Suggestions for Men Attracted to CDs

… and for Transgender Women Who
Are Open to Dating Men!

There are many men who, for various reasons, want to date transgender women; and there are many transgender women who want just as badly to socialize with masculine men. The men sometimes label themselves CD admirers. For the men, dating transgender women (i.e., male-to-female crossdressers) is very much like dating genetic women. Men who want to do that will be most successful if they seek out transgender women of about their own age and with comparable levels of physical or sexual attractiveness. Common interests and compatible personalities certainly benefit any relationship the persons involved want to last longer than a quick sexual encounter.

A transgender woman who often goes by the pseudonym Melony Vonkruz (Aubrey in real life) has posted an interesting YouTube® video on this subject. You can watch her video, which is roughly 12 minutes long, by clicking on the photo below.

How to Date Trans Women
Melony VonKruz
Pictured above is Melony Vonkruz, a pre-op (or perhaps non-op) transsexual woman, who posted a video on YouTube® entitled “How to Date Trans Women.” That video is well worth watching. It is a very informal presentation, somewhat ad-libbed as opposed to carefully thought out and logically organized. Nevertheless, she makes some good points about a few of the dos and don’ts of pairing up with potential dating partners. She notes that you need to understand your own emotional needs and requirements. Some persons you might encounter are simply game-players. I won’t say more as I don’t want to spoil it for you.
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Melony Vonkruz’s emphasis on finding compatible friends, I think, is important. She is not talking only about finding people for quick sexual encounters or for other sorts of game-playing, although physical intimacy often is something that both want. There is a medical center in the US that has suggested that good friendship is very important to a person’s well-being. The Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota (also with units in two other locations), is recognized as one of the world leaders in education, research, and treatment in practically all areas of medicine. In one of their newsletter issues (to which I subscribe), they outlined the benefits of good friendships. Crossdressers often become a bit isolated, because they think that they need to keep their crossdressing secret from everyone. But is that a healthy thing to do? I think it's worthwhile to think about the benefits of finding and nurturing friendships in which you can share things about yourself that you keep hidden from most others. The following is taken verbatim from the April 16, 2011 issue of their newsletter:

Mayo Clinic Health Letter

What are the benefits of friendships?

Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:

  • Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
  • Boost your happiness
  • Reduce stress
  • Improve your sense of self-worth
  • Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss, or the death of a loved one
  • Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

How can I nurture my friendships?

Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends. To nurture your friendships:

  • Go easy. Don't overwhelm friends with phone calls, texts, instant messages, or emails. Respect your friends' boundaries.
  • Don't compete. Don't let friendships turn into a battle over who makes the most money or who has the nicest home.
  • Adopt a healthy, realistic self-image. Work on building your self-esteem by taking care of yourself — eat a healthy diet and include physical activity in your daily routine. Vanity and constant self-criticism can be turnoffs to potential friends.
  • Avoid relentless complaining. Nonstop complaining can put a strain on your friendships. Talk to your friends about how you can change the parts of your life that make you unhappy.
  • Adopt a positive outlook. Try to find the humor in things. Laughter is infectious and appealing.
  • Listen up. Ask what's going on in your friends' lives. Avoid talking about your own problems all the time. Try to only give advice when your friends ask for it.
  • Don't judge. Give your friends space to change, grow, and make mistakes. Encourage your friends to freely express their emotions.
  • Respect privacy. Keep confidential any personal information that your friends share with you. Try not to ask questions that make your friends uncomfortable.

Remember, it's never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. Investing time in making friends and strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.

Friendship per se is extremely valuable, perhaps especially for crossdressers and others who face a certain amount of stigma, even overt hostility, in some communities. Female friends, male friends, and transgender friends all help to counter the negative feelings we may experience due to a lack of acceptance in some parts of society. Our friends provide a sense of belonging that we might not otherwise have.

Melony Vonkruz clearly seems to think that some degree of friendship is desirable prior to having more sexually intimate relations with someone. She sounds almost prudish at times, saying for instance that sexual intimacy is unlikely to happen at the end of a first date. Indeed, physical/sexual intimacy is not necessarily going to happen after the 25th date; but often it does. I am quite certain, for example, that Melony is sexually active with at least one male friend. This brings us to that additional aspect of some same-sex friendships.

All normal adults want to have at least occasional sexual intimacy. If you find someone with whom you can be good friends, and your gut-level intuitions are that you also would be good lovers, then realistically your situation has become one in which companionship and common interests are not the only bases for your continued association. Long-term success then depends partly on how competent you are at what many people would consider gay sex. (Trans women and men in a relationship usually think of themselves as heterosexual, not homosexual; but their behavior will be essentially the same as that between two gay men, so it makes sense to consider it in those terms.) Sexual competence is part of the “glue” that holds such a relationship together; and sexual incompetency might actually override the other factors that might hold a good nonsexual friendship together. What some people call “chemistry” depends partly on sexual knowledge and competence.

Ultimate Guide

Several months ago I was reading the webpage of a Thai ผู้หญิงข้ามเพศ (transwoman), who said very explicitly that she has no problem finding relationships with socially desirable heterosexual men because she gives them better sex that they could find with most others, including the great majority of genetic women. It is impossible to know if she is accurate in her assessment of her own attractiveness to men; but her basic point — i.e., that sexual competence matters — surely is true. One book that a few of my crossdressing friends have found useful, which has sold over 100,000 copies, is the following:

  • Violet Blue. 2010. The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure. Cleis Press Inc.

It is roughly 270 pages of detailed information, covering not only straightforward fellatio and how to do it to deliver maximum pleasure, but also other behaviors involving the mouth and erogenous zones that are dense in sensitive nerve endings. It also outlines the main hygiene and safety issues for each kind of behavior. It’s a very informative book.

I am convinced that it is mutually beneficial for crossdressers and non-crossdressing men, particularly CD admirers who are sincere, to befriend one another, engaging in nonsexual activities together, and possibly having sexual relations, depending on how things develop and each person’s wishes. Close friendships of any kind can improve the quality of people’s lives.

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I wish you blessings!
Have a great day!

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